To Be Vegan, or Not to Be?

Other than the fact that I do think it’s a healthy lifestyle, I have always avoided veganism because of a few reasons.
1.) I have never wanted to burden the people I am friends/related to by making it difficult to eat out when thought most places won’t have vegan options, they’ll at least have vegetarian ones. (Aka bean and cheese burrito, or pizza, etc.)
2.) Being vegan is slightly more expensive and requires more cooking skills. I already live off of my roommates rice cooker, soy sauce and 1 farm raised egg, most of the time. (As Nao says I’m not Latina anymore I’m more and more Asian. T_T)
3.) I guess you could say I’m just lazy.
But I’ve been doing my best to cut dairy out. Especially since I think I’m lactose intolerant like most of humanity, as when I do eat it even minutely I fall quite ill. It just makes me wonder, why something that makes me as sick as it does, is still so hard for me to give up?

Art Survey 2 and Unsharpened Tools.

Art Survey 2 and unsharpened tools.
Whilst discussing gothic and romantic art our teacher mentioned Poe, horror novels, and horror movies. A student proceeded to interrupt by saying: “But horror movies are scary though…!”
Moving onto neoclassical and more industrialized times…we view thr House of Parliament to show though Europe has moved away from Gothic art, which it never really accepted, the English have it still influencing their work. So, she has just asked our teacher if the queen of England lives or works in the House of Parliament …….I don’t even …

My Heart Really Hurts.

Like this dull thudding ache that no matter how hard you press it down keeps going and going until it crawls into your stomach and crawls into your throat and to your head and you just keep thinking just keep thinking it’s ok it’s ok you don’t have to worry but you do worry because it’s too painful to stop it and you just want it to shut up but it’s like a thousand tiny voices cramming and yelling and fighting and pulling forth their effort to keep you awake and aware that you’re here and this is real and you can’t fight it because this is your reality and this is what you deserve and you’re cold and you hurt and you’re fragile and you don’t have a choice you don’t have a choice DON’T HAVE A CHOICE AT ALL because it’s out of your control you’re out of your control

and it hurts

god

it hurts

Let's steal time.

It's funny how movies provoke things from us. Things we think we've hidden away when in truth they're right there on the surface bubbling away. Waiting. Just waiting. Waiting to boil over.

I have lost the ability to truly be within a moment, or conversation. It makes me feel selfish but in reality, I should have seen this coming. I spend so much time daydreaming and making up stories that when real things are going on I have trouble focusing or keeping up. Let alone understanding or remembering.

What happens when we awaken from our dreams? What happens when we're faced with reality? Where do we know where reality starts....where does it end? I am always exhausted these days and the motivation to leave my bed lessens each day. To me that is a pathetic existence.

I need to know which direction I'm going in. Who do I leave behind, and who do I take forward with me? What decisions am I making that are fruitful and not destructive?


What will the end of this quarter bring and the start of the new?

In the evenings with our eyes closed

is when we come to realize our greatest fears, our greatest regrets, and our greatest dreams.

I think sometimes we should learn to see these things with our eyes open.

I think sometime the internet gives us the opportunity to be more open and free while boxing us into a safe realm of anonymity and personal boundaries between others of our kind.

But you know I think sometimes, it’s because we are too scared to share our ugliness with the world that we hide behind these glowing orbs and dark words.

We are too scared to show the world, hey this is me and I’m not sorry.

I think tonight, we should all dream of being free with our eyes open, and closed.
In front of our screens, and in front of the world.

Tonight I promise you, I will try to make reconciliations within my heart about my pasts about my presents and about my futures.

I am human.

I am not sorry… Any longer.

Week 1 was no fun~

Today was the official third day of my first week back at uni.
Aka my "week" of classes are completed and now I am off on my own to work and do school homework.


I may have made a huge mistake this quarter with my workload.
But knowing others have done more work and not only more work but have had children, or multiple jobs, etc. while doing this.. I feel a weak coward with my queries and my complaints.

I am not sure what's going to happen next.
But I hope to complete all my work for next week.

Interview Friday.
Work every day but Friday, and only because I cancelled so I could redo my assignment... Not actually sure HOW I botched it. But that's the case and as Monday is a holiday there is not much else I can do.

I am so ashamed I called in to cancel Friday and I know they are peeved with me.


What am I going to do?

I must prioritize my university...but I need any thing that will get me money for my bills and so that I can help my mother...
We still have my brothers to put through uni after Alex and I.. and that's coming up shortly..

Hey, it's me... Remember?

If I had a movie...
It would be titled The Invisible Girl.

You come, you go, you breathe, you grasp.
Sometimes it takes so little, too little, too late.

All these words come and go like oxygen.
They're pariahs sometimes.
They're pariahs.

They crawl and they scream.
They shiver and bleed and make you eyes see.
These things you won't forget.
These words you will never hear again.

One last time one last time.
Just close your eyes and promise yourself.
One last time.
To try to survive.