Kindly, no thank you.

That's right,
You are the assistant manager of a retail store.
You are very brilliant and important.
You have obtained the right to speak to your employees,
at least the newer ones, with such authority and with a need to demean.
Congratulations.
You have made it to the top.
You are the princess on the hill.
How proud you must be, and all who know you must be.




How unfortunate, that you think you are worth more than you truly are.
For even you are completely replaceable.
Quite frankly, when I actually do rise to a position of minute power.
I will be a far kinder, less frail minded person; than you.

Enjoy it while it lasts.
You'll never amount to more.

The Blackness in Your Heart Won't Last Forever.

I am like a specter.
You may see me.
You may hear me.
But I am not really here.
I do not affect the world around me.












I am not really alive.

Have You Found Her Yet?

Sometimes I can't figure out what I am going to do with my life.
Am I ever going to feel like I am going in the right direction?
I wish I could trust the people around me.
I just want my head to feel light again.


I will close my eyes and find solitude in the darkness of my mind.
That is where I can see the light that is shining around me as brightly as the sun.

I don't ever want to lose my sun.

Sometimes I Just Can't Face You.

I hate the impermanence of pencils but I hate the permanence of pens.
What do I like?

The idea that everything is one day lost and the idea that some things may never be forgotten scares me. Does anything not cause me fear? Everything exhausts me.
When will I feel young?

Sometimes I think life is easier with my eyes closed...
but then I realise my dreams cause as much fear in my heart as my daytime reality. Will I ever find freedom in my life or my dreams?

I am tired of all the questions.
I feel unsure, uneducated, and immature.

It is already week 2 for the quarter.
Time is flying by through this quarter as well and I fear I won't be able to keep up as classes get harder. I don't feel strong enough to do this as successfully as someone else I don't feel on par knowledge-wise as others here. Why do I always feel like less than the rest of my peers? Am I so small-minded?

Your Work is Appreciated.

Thoughts going through my head before my speech:
"Time to die via total speech disaster.
I am already exhausted and I have only just arrived at class.
I think I am going to pule.
I need to relax.
I can do this.
I. Can. Do. This.
I. Can. Do. This.
I. Can. Do. This.
Estoy estresada.
Me duele todo.
La cabeza.
La barriga.
It's just a story.
I can do this.
Just a story.
You can tell a story.
You can tell a story!"

Estoy temblando.

Well, that went terribly, but... oh well... that's life.
I don't know how my next one is going to go...
If this one went that badly...

The speech a classmate gave was far worse than what I had anticipated.
I am glad she did it.
But I am also glad the teacher allowed her to stop.
I think her friend is watching over her with kindness.

We might only have two speeches.
Which as great as that sounds, I might be ending up with a C- at that rate.
Less speeches means harder grading.
I guess maybe that means I won't be joining Phi Theta Kappa next quarter.
Some of these stories make me wonder what people are thinking when they plan good stories to tell a large group of people.
These speeches are exhausting me, some of these are seriously only two seconds long.
Why was I up there for so long!

At the end of class I asked him for some advice for next week.
He feels I need to slow down, but did say that I sound mature for my age.
That was something I was glad for, as I had figured I would sound too youthful.

I need to prepare for net week and prepare now.
I have decided to make my topic about multiple births.

Maybe more blogging later.

Is That Your List?

Sometimes when I close my eyes I forget that I too am human.
What a cruel joke waking up always is.


I want a pair of wings that don't come with a price tag or elastic bands.

It's funny to think about a book of blank pages for some reason the empty lines appeal to me more than once they are covered with tiny thoughts by unsteady hands.
Is it too much to ask for endless possibility?


To be completely honest, I think maybe, just a little, I worry too much. I am an over-thinker. I analyze and reanalyze and then analyze some more.
I always say that I don't know what's wrong with me but maybe that's the point...maybe it is nothing?
I'm not broken?

It's All in the Business~

Sometimes, I wonder who is it that we really are?
Or at least think we are?

Our lives tend to cater to the same tune.
We are born, grow, and die.
We learn, study, do, and educate.
We laugh, hurt, love, want, and need.
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and ...

We are all the same.
But we all feel apart.
Unique.
Alone.

Some more tired than others.
Some more knowledgeable than others.

We have quiet ones and loud ones.
Kind ones and mean ones.
Complicated and simple.
On and on and on and ...

For some we are fighting.
For something we are working towards.

Some of us feel there is something more to come.
Some of us feel what we have now is all we get.

We are all held up by tiny strings.
The strings in our hearts connect us to each other.
They hold us apart even with the connection they offer.

We are all so self involved and selfish in one way or another.
Even when we feel we aren't, we are somewhere and in some way.

Do you think we'll ever get over ourselves?
Do you think we'll ever find our strings and be grateful for them?

Maybe we should cut the strings and start again?