Wednesday, January 26, 2011

In the evenings with our eyes closed

is when we come to realize our greatest fears, our greatest regrets, and our greatest dreams.

I think sometimes we should learn to see these things with our eyes open.

I think sometime the internet gives us the opportunity to be more open and free while boxing us into a safe realm of anonymity and personal boundaries between others of our kind.

But you know I think sometimes, it’s because we are too scared to share our ugliness with the world that we hide behind these glowing orbs and dark words.

We are too scared to show the world, hey this is me and I’m not sorry.

I think tonight, we should all dream of being free with our eyes open, and closed.
In front of our screens, and in front of the world.

Tonight I promise you, I will try to make reconciliations within my heart about my pasts about my presents and about my futures.

I am human.

I am not sorry… Any longer.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Week 1 was no fun~

Today was the official third day of my first week back at uni.
Aka my "week" of classes are completed and now I am off on my own to work and do school homework.

I may have made a huge mistake this quarter with my workload.
But knowing others have done more work and not only more work but have had children, or multiple jobs, etc. while doing this.. I feel a weak coward with my queries and my complaints.

I am not sure what's going to happen next.
But I hope to complete all my work for next week.

Interview Friday.
Work every day but Friday, and only because I cancelled so I could redo my assignment... Not actually sure HOW I botched it. But that's the case and as Monday is a holiday there is not much else I can do.

I am so ashamed I called in to cancel Friday and I know they are peeved with me.

What am I going to do?

I must prioritize my university...but I need any thing that will get me money for my bills and so that I can help my mother...
We still have my brothers to put through uni after Alex and I.. and that's coming up shortly..

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hey, it's me... Remember?

If I had a movie...
It would be titled The Invisible Girl.

You come, you go, you breathe, you grasp.
Sometimes it takes so little, too little, too late.

All these words come and go like oxygen.
They're pariahs sometimes.
They're pariahs.

They crawl and they scream.
They shiver and bleed and make you eyes see.
These things you won't forget.
These words you will never hear again.

One last time one last time.
Just close your eyes and promise yourself.
One last time.
To try to survive.