Wednesday, November 9, 2011

It can be said.

In times of great duress I find that these words never impress.
You try to pleat these folds into shapes they will never mold to.

I wanted to chronicle for you a life of words that would grow as your voice grew.
But you see, you've grown quiet and in the silence the words shake in a breeze of what they once knew.
The oxygen lingers abated-ly. It's cold here in the frigidity of the stale air.
It's cold here where your voice left our fragmented skeletons.

I don't remember whether love came first or after chemistry.
If passion is any different.
If hate is anything other than, the opposite of what you should be doing.

But what I do remember, is that in these sorrowful gulps of carbon dioxide, I choke away the tears I thought I would give to you.
I hide what was our essence, because I've realized;

Whatever we were?

Those twigs have long since become new soil.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

I'm sure you never noticed, my blog's been dead for awhile.

Maybe instead I'll write a novel that someone might actually pick up one day.

Pick me up someday?

It's getting cold.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Monday. Eco Tip. 2

I'm sure you've heard of it, right?

Thrifting is the art of going to thrift stores and "recycling" clothing that either you don't want, or someone else didn't want. What's great about thrifting is there are so many gems you can find. And rather than toss your old clothing, you can get a few rewards!

1.) You may get financial retribution or in-store credit!
2.) You get the knowledge that other's will be able to use your clothes, they won't go to waste.
3.) They won't end up not rotting away at a trash heap.
4.) Thrift stores have some gems to renovate your closet!

I have found items at thrift stores that look as good as new, and are often times better quality products than what we may find in stores today! You find unique items, that no one else you know will be wearing. (: Anyone can go to the mall and get some of the mass produced fashions you see in stores... but not everyone can wear those one of kind pieces.
It's great when they're just your size, just the right fit, the perfect colour; and even better? It's only for you!

It's like treasure hunting.

Here's a post on good thrifting techniques:

I was going to create my own, but a friend linked me to this one as we were discussing it together and these are all the things we've always done! So, it's a good article to learn from!

Hope you guys liked this post! I hope to get better at them and give truly useful information as the weeks go by!
I honestly am an avid thrifter!
Will post images of outfits my friend has thrifted if I get her permission. (:

Monday, July 18, 2011

Monday's Eco Tip of the Week

I'm going to be starting a new segment. I plan on posting every Monday.
I will be posting different eco-tips. Small things, that if everyone were to start implementing into their daily lives would help bring us one step closer to a better, healthier environment.

Aid yourself, aid the world. I will do them once weekly, because it is a good small step to take. If you start with one new thing a week, you get 7 days to make the change a routine. 7 days to be more aware and conscious about the way you live your life and impact this world.

If we look at change as increments, then the change is easier to make. Soon it becomes habit, and you cannot remember why you didn't implement the change sooner in the first place.

SO! Onto it then.

A makeup related tip to start with this week. For all you ladies, gents, and inbetweeners who like to enhance your features.
I assume many of us do what is typical, purchase make up remover at the store. Use the same old make up over and over. When we don't want it anymore don't really know what to do with it, but toss it or hoard it. Right?

Here's an idea! Extra Virgin Olive Oil!

Now what the olive oil will do is: 1.) Clean off all makeup!
2.) Moisturize/Condition your skin and lashes!

It's not harmful to you, or the environment. Why use chemicals when you can use something natural and organic. Also, what's great about this is for the price you can get a lot! A little goes a long way, so as a cleanser it will last you a long time! You can then use your olive oil in an organic weekly moisturizer that uses honey, and sugar. You'll exfoliate and moisturize naturally and smell deliciously!

Here is the recipe: 3 tablespoons.
2 tablespoons organic honey.
1/2 cup of organic sugar.

You only need a small amount to use all over your face! Will last you quite awhile, using it once a week is best. Do not store in fridge. Counter is okay, and will not go bad.

Now for your old and tired make up:

Return to Origins has a recycling program: return any empty cosmetic packaging (regardless of the brand) to Origins and they will help you recycle it. Are you a MAC lover? Swap six empty MAC containers to get a free MAC lipstick (colour of your choice)!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Watery Graves.

I have this habit of waking up.
Pouring myself a large glass of chilled water.
Then get back in bed.

I will never finish this large glass of water.
I cannot bring myself to get rid of it, but nor can I drink it because I'm still in a sleep state.
My body rejects all things when I'm tired it seems.

So, why?
Why does this glass feel so comforting?
What does it do for me to have this by my bedside?

I always sleep better with a cold tall glass of water by my side.

But who isn't?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Morning Tithings.

I am just so excited for his new works. This artist has been with me since high school and I just can't get any more enthralled by every piece he releases. His strength just grows and grows. Tasteful, wrenching, beautiful songs. I really recommend him to all music lovers. It doesn't matter what you like, there is always room to like something outside of your own little box. He's just. These songs are like, lullabies for the well grown.

It's just killing me.

I'm excited to play some games over break this quarter, as it comes to a close. I'll head home on the 16th and start working. Take a break in Colorado for the weekend. Then get back to work, before coming to school for another quarter.

Here's a good review for L.A. NOIR for any of you interested:

3 more quarters until graduation if everything goes according to plan. I get nervous the closer I get to graduating and the harder my classes get. Sometimes I forget that there is a lot I have learned. I just need to be more proactive and more well... practice makes perfect right?

I am just so scared all the time. Whenever I want something too badly, I botch it.
So I am just ... always worried. Always scared.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I can't remember the last time.

Everyone, I've ever loved...I've always loved more than they could ever love me. Every friendship, every relationship. I think there was one time, when I was still in high school...where I chose myself, over somebody else.
I really liked this boy, you see. Truly, I did. But he was too damaged. Broken home. Honours student who dropped out of high school. Drug addict. But, boy! Did I like him. But I couldn't do it. We were 16/17. He wanted to plan his life out with me. I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to leave after high school. Do an exchange program, travel. I wanted to pursue so many things, how could I take him with me... he would never be graduating high school. How could I plan a life out, with someone that I would have to take care of, when I was just a kid.

This is the one time. The one time I chose myself over another human being.

I did a very poor job of it. He cried. I couldn't look at him. Didn't know what else to do, I don't even remember what I said. It wasn't much, he knew anyway. I don't know what happened to him after that. Never really talked again. He could be dead right now and I wouldn't know. I wouldn't be surprised though. Not with the crowd we ran with back then. Not with what I was told he was doing after the break up.

But, that was the only time. I've never done it again. Though now I'm more tired, so I think most people just avoid me. Who would want to hang around with someone, who can walk into a crowded room and not be seen, her energy being too lackluster to notice. Maybe that's why...

Maybe that's why I will live my life like this.
Because I don't have the energy, and I have headaches, and neckaches, more than I have smiles and tenderness.

No one loves the weak of heart.
Who would?
Who could.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Let's redefine Love.

Love is all encompassing and not man made.
We try to categorize it the way we categorize all things because it makes it easier for us to understand.
But you cannot categorize something all encompassing.

Love as they say has no boundaries.
That is why we can love all and any.
Why murderers have lovers, and children.
Why monsters have someone who views them as princes.

So, let's redefine love.
Let's stop saying whom can and whom cannot.
Let's stop saying when and where it's appropriate.
Let's stop saying there's different kinds.

There isn't any other kind but the one.

You either love someone or you don't.

The reason the line between loving a friend and loving a lover is so blurred is because there is only one love.

In this moment, let's all decide to love.
Openly, and honestly.

No more boxes.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My Nao Time

Caro: Look Nao!
Nao: What's that?
Caro: It's how this guy proposed to his fiance!
Nao: Was there any other candidate?!
Caro: .....Let me explain "blablablabalablablbalabla"
Nao: Oh. Is that common to say?
Caro: XD No, it's supposed to be cute...
Nao: it sounds like it could be some other people still for me................
Caro: XD..................
Nao: It's OK if they are happy!

Oh Nao, my foreigner XD I love you!

PS: Later that day:
Caro: You are killing me, hahahahaha
Nao: Nope
Caro: No, that's something you say when someone is being really funny
Nao: Oh I see....XD

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Where are you going, you little flea~

First day of fourth quarter was today.
I had a Professional Practices class with my previous second quarter speech teacher.
Because I am taking an extra quarter to more space out my courses I cannot do an internship until upcoming fall quarter.

I do not work this weekend so I have plenty of time to get a jump start on the assignments for this class.
He pretty much told us all the assignments so we canj ust get to work on them it seems.

I need to find someone in the fashion industry to interview.
I will probably edit my resume tonight in the format the he wants and then send out emails tomorrow during the day.
Is 7p.m. not too late in the evening to be sending emails to business people?
Or is that something I have made up in my head?

Anyway, just started Gone with the Wind.
Going to get some work done.
Organizing and cleaning.
Little by little by little.

Currently reading a book called The Happiness Project.
I fully agree clutter causes us less happiness.
I hope by tomorrow, I will be ready for this next quarter.
I will do better than my last quarter.


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Interesting dreams making me feel forsaken~

So, periodically...or I suppose annually I have this dream. The man isn't always the same, though how would I know he never has a face. But long story short it always plays out like this:
Relationship, going great all smiles lots of love.
Pregnant. Find out.
Don't tell anyone. Just leave.
Cut to sometimes down the line (either child is born and slightly grown or still pregnant just very noticeable at this point)...and
NoFaceMan has somehow found out and weaved his way into the scenario.
Him walking into my business/home (because I always own a business or a home at this point ((how nice at least I get to be successful?))) is usually when the dream cuts out for me.

I don't get why I have this dream so often.
I don't get why I have this dream period.
Did my dreams forget I don't want children?
Let alone to have children BY MYSELF?
Will NoFaceMan ever have a face?
Why does his voice always SOUND familiar even though in the dream I never actually hear it.


Friday, March 4, 2011

To Be Vegan, or Not to Be?

Other than the fact that I do think it’s a healthy lifestyle, I have always avoided veganism because of a few reasons.
1.) I have never wanted to burden the people I am friends/related to by making it difficult to eat out when thought most places won’t have vegan options, they’ll at least have vegetarian ones. (Aka bean and cheese burrito, or pizza, etc.)
2.) Being vegan is slightly more expensive and requires more cooking skills. I already live off of my roommates rice cooker, soy sauce and 1 farm raised egg, most of the time. (As Nao says I’m not Latina anymore I’m more and more Asian. T_T)
3.) I guess you could say I’m just lazy.
But I’ve been doing my best to cut dairy out. Especially since I think I’m lactose intolerant like most of humanity, as when I do eat it even minutely I fall quite ill. It just makes me wonder, why something that makes me as sick as it does, is still so hard for me to give up?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Art Survey 2 and Unsharpened Tools.

Art Survey 2 and unsharpened tools.
Whilst discussing gothic and romantic art our teacher mentioned Poe, horror novels, and horror movies. A student proceeded to interrupt by saying: “But horror movies are scary though…!”
Moving onto neoclassical and more industrialized times…we view thr House of Parliament to show though Europe has moved away from Gothic art, which it never really accepted, the English have it still influencing their work. So, she has just asked our teacher if the queen of England lives or works in the House of Parliament …….I don’t even …

My Heart Really Hurts.

Like this dull thudding ache that no matter how hard you press it down keeps going and going until it crawls into your stomach and crawls into your throat and to your head and you just keep thinking just keep thinking it’s ok it’s ok you don’t have to worry but you do worry because it’s too painful to stop it and you just want it to shut up but it’s like a thousand tiny voices cramming and yelling and fighting and pulling forth their effort to keep you awake and aware that you’re here and this is real and you can’t fight it because this is your reality and this is what you deserve and you’re cold and you hurt and you’re fragile and you don’t have a choice you don’t have a choice DON’T HAVE A CHOICE AT ALL because it’s out of your control you’re out of your control

and it hurts


it hurts

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Let's steal time.

It's funny how movies provoke things from us. Things we think we've hidden away when in truth they're right there on the surface bubbling away. Waiting. Just waiting. Waiting to boil over.

I have lost the ability to truly be within a moment, or conversation. It makes me feel selfish but in reality, I should have seen this coming. I spend so much time daydreaming and making up stories that when real things are going on I have trouble focusing or keeping up. Let alone understanding or remembering.

What happens when we awaken from our dreams? What happens when we're faced with reality? Where do we know where reality starts....where does it end? I am always exhausted these days and the motivation to leave my bed lessens each day. To me that is a pathetic existence.

I need to know which direction I'm going in. Who do I leave behind, and who do I take forward with me? What decisions am I making that are fruitful and not destructive?

What will the end of this quarter bring and the start of the new?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

In the evenings with our eyes closed

is when we come to realize our greatest fears, our greatest regrets, and our greatest dreams.

I think sometimes we should learn to see these things with our eyes open.

I think sometime the internet gives us the opportunity to be more open and free while boxing us into a safe realm of anonymity and personal boundaries between others of our kind.

But you know I think sometimes, it’s because we are too scared to share our ugliness with the world that we hide behind these glowing orbs and dark words.

We are too scared to show the world, hey this is me and I’m not sorry.

I think tonight, we should all dream of being free with our eyes open, and closed.
In front of our screens, and in front of the world.

Tonight I promise you, I will try to make reconciliations within my heart about my pasts about my presents and about my futures.

I am human.

I am not sorry… Any longer.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Week 1 was no fun~

Today was the official third day of my first week back at uni.
Aka my "week" of classes are completed and now I am off on my own to work and do school homework.

I may have made a huge mistake this quarter with my workload.
But knowing others have done more work and not only more work but have had children, or multiple jobs, etc. while doing this.. I feel a weak coward with my queries and my complaints.

I am not sure what's going to happen next.
But I hope to complete all my work for next week.

Interview Friday.
Work every day but Friday, and only because I cancelled so I could redo my assignment... Not actually sure HOW I botched it. But that's the case and as Monday is a holiday there is not much else I can do.

I am so ashamed I called in to cancel Friday and I know they are peeved with me.

What am I going to do?

I must prioritize my university...but I need any thing that will get me money for my bills and so that I can help my mother...
We still have my brothers to put through uni after Alex and I.. and that's coming up shortly..

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hey, it's me... Remember?

If I had a movie...
It would be titled The Invisible Girl.

You come, you go, you breathe, you grasp.
Sometimes it takes so little, too little, too late.

All these words come and go like oxygen.
They're pariahs sometimes.
They're pariahs.

They crawl and they scream.
They shiver and bleed and make you eyes see.
These things you won't forget.
These words you will never hear again.

One last time one last time.
Just close your eyes and promise yourself.
One last time.
To try to survive.