Sunday, February 28, 2010

CoCo Chanel.

I just saw the film documenting the famed designers life.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
She is such an inspiration.
I really feel everyone should see this film.
She worked until the day she died.
She was 71.
What a legacy it is that she created, and continues to exist today.
Such charm, elegance, poise, and defiance.
She embodies all the things that I admire.
I just wish she had been someone I could have known.
Worked with.
Regardless, I am so glad I purchased the film when I saw it.
I hope that even I do not create a legacy such as she did...that I too one day am able to accomplish my dreams.
Fashion is not an easy path.
But with perseverance I hope to succeed.
I am trembling in fear and anticipation for school.
I need to work on the designs for the scholarship.
But boy...I am at a standstill.
It must be big and concise.
Oh my nerves,

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Things are very different now.
Very difficult.

They say as you get older you grow wiser.
So, I'm not sure why it is I feel weaker and more confused as time goes on.

I don't see what makes them think they are so wise anyway.
We all live the same lives.
We all voice the same cries of joy of sorrow.
But at the same time we consider everyone to live a completely different, separate life from the herd.
I don't think it's our situations that make up who we are.
Not our pasts.
Not our actions.
But how those actions are defined in the end.
How we view all those little pieces.
That is what defines our lives and our uniqueness.

My head hurts a lot these things.
Swirls of unformed thoughts, phrases, words, names, etc. overtake my mind.
I find reading difficult, I find working difficult.
I feel trapped in my head.
Who I am in here is not who I am out there.
What I am capable of in here, neither translates or actualises itself out there.

I am tired of the past.
I am tired of the future.
I can't even begin to acknowledge the present.
I'm tired of the silent throbbing in my head.

I wish I were an idiot.
They say idiots are the truly happy.
Nothing clouds their views, their minds are free to enjoy.

How you can enjoy what you do not comprehend is beyond me.
But it would be nice to feel at peace, for just a little while.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Oh baby, I think you are smoking~

Sometimes I think people have a tendency to forget that words are more powerful than the sword.
So to speak.
Sometimes is more often than it should be.
I think it is hard for us to understand what we are capable of.
What we can cause, not only through words but through our emotions, and the vibes we give off to others.
I think it's hard to also see outside of our own versions of the truth.

But if we think about it, for us to be able to truly understand others we need to understand ourselves.
When we find we rarely trust, like, or understand ourselves; how can we do the same for others?

I wonder if one day human kind will be able to look outside of themselves, and see the world through unveiled eyes.

I got one of my dermals out today. I am miserable about it. Learned a lot of new info about them. But at least I know that considering their life spans I have done pretty well with them. I might replace it. I still have the other three, I feel naked and unbalanced. My boyfriend does not really consider it worth it since these piercing are known for not being user friendly but...I am not sure how I feel about not having them. Not positively, that is for sure.

I really want to see Ballet Arizona do Sleeping Beauty on February 13. Hopefully, the tickets are not too costly. I would be so pleased to hear Tchaikovsky's work live, with the grace and beauty of the dancers giving it even more life. I wish my boyfriend could see what I see when I watch ballet.

How I miss dancing.

Hello Kitty band-aid on my wound. Oh Oh Kitty I love you!