Anesthetics.

Things are very different now.
Very difficult.

They say as you get older you grow wiser.
So, I'm not sure why it is I feel weaker and more confused as time goes on.

I don't see what makes them think they are so wise anyway.
We all live the same lives.
We all voice the same cries of joy of sorrow.
But at the same time we consider everyone to live a completely different, separate life from the herd.
I don't think it's our situations that make up who we are.
Not our pasts.
Not our actions.
But how those actions are defined in the end.
How we view all those little pieces.
That is what defines our lives and our uniqueness.

My head hurts a lot these things.
Swirls of unformed thoughts, phrases, words, names, etc. overtake my mind.
I find reading difficult, I find working difficult.
I feel trapped in my head.
Who I am in here is not who I am out there.
What I am capable of in here, neither translates or actualises itself out there.

I am tired of the past.
I am tired of the future.
I can't even begin to acknowledge the present.
I'm tired of the silent throbbing in my head.

I wish I were an idiot.
They say idiots are the truly happy.
Nothing clouds their views, their minds are free to enjoy.

How you can enjoy what you do not comprehend is beyond me.
But it would be nice to feel at peace, for just a little while.