Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Interesting dreams making me feel forsaken~

So, periodically...or I suppose annually I have this dream. The man isn't always the same, though how would I know he never has a face. But long story short it always plays out like this:
Relationship, going great all smiles lots of love.
Pregnant. Find out.
Don't tell anyone. Just leave.
Cut to sometimes down the line (either child is born and slightly grown or still pregnant just very noticeable at this point)...and
NoFaceMan has somehow found out and weaved his way into the scenario.
Him walking into my business/home (because I always own a business or a home at this point ((how nice at least I get to be successful?))) is usually when the dream cuts out for me.

I don't get why I have this dream so often.
I don't get why I have this dream period.
Did my dreams forget I don't want children?
Let alone to have children BY MYSELF?
Will NoFaceMan ever have a face?
Why does his voice always SOUND familiar even though in the dream I never actually hear it.


Friday, March 4, 2011

To Be Vegan, or Not to Be?

Other than the fact that I do think it’s a healthy lifestyle, I have always avoided veganism because of a few reasons.
1.) I have never wanted to burden the people I am friends/related to by making it difficult to eat out when thought most places won’t have vegan options, they’ll at least have vegetarian ones. (Aka bean and cheese burrito, or pizza, etc.)
2.) Being vegan is slightly more expensive and requires more cooking skills. I already live off of my roommates rice cooker, soy sauce and 1 farm raised egg, most of the time. (As Nao says I’m not Latina anymore I’m more and more Asian. T_T)
3.) I guess you could say I’m just lazy.
But I’ve been doing my best to cut dairy out. Especially since I think I’m lactose intolerant like most of humanity, as when I do eat it even minutely I fall quite ill. It just makes me wonder, why something that makes me as sick as it does, is still so hard for me to give up?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Art Survey 2 and Unsharpened Tools.

Art Survey 2 and unsharpened tools.
Whilst discussing gothic and romantic art our teacher mentioned Poe, horror novels, and horror movies. A student proceeded to interrupt by saying: “But horror movies are scary though…!”
Moving onto neoclassical and more industrialized times…we view thr House of Parliament to show though Europe has moved away from Gothic art, which it never really accepted, the English have it still influencing their work. So, she has just asked our teacher if the queen of England lives or works in the House of Parliament …….I don’t even …

My Heart Really Hurts.

Like this dull thudding ache that no matter how hard you press it down keeps going and going until it crawls into your stomach and crawls into your throat and to your head and you just keep thinking just keep thinking it’s ok it’s ok you don’t have to worry but you do worry because it’s too painful to stop it and you just want it to shut up but it’s like a thousand tiny voices cramming and yelling and fighting and pulling forth their effort to keep you awake and aware that you’re here and this is real and you can’t fight it because this is your reality and this is what you deserve and you’re cold and you hurt and you’re fragile and you don’t have a choice you don’t have a choice DON’T HAVE A CHOICE AT ALL because it’s out of your control you’re out of your control

and it hurts


it hurts