Like this dull thudding ache that no matter how hard you press it down keeps going and going until it crawls into your stomach and crawls into your throat and to your head and you just keep thinking just keep thinking it’s ok it’s ok you don’t have to worry but you do worry because it’s too painful to stop it and you just want it to shut up but it’s like a thousand tiny voices cramming and yelling and fighting and pulling forth their effort to keep you awake and aware that you’re here and this is real and you can’t fight it because this is your reality and this is what you deserve and you’re cold and you hurt and you’re fragile and you don’t have a choice you don’t have a choice DON’T HAVE A CHOICE AT ALL because it’s out of your control you’re out of your control
and it hurts
god
it hurts
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